Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
