It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
