dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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