talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
