Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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