It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
