I hate your face
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
