It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Boobs are out for the taking
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
