Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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