thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
