I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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