Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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