Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
