I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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