I heard we made out
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
