I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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