im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
