i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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