I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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