Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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