If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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