I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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