its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
That accounts for only three of the penises
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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