I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Randomize
