Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
