We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
