I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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