The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
