So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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