Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
