omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
