Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
