You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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