Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
3 2 1 whiskey
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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