You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
