I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
