Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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