he wants to bone in the snuggie
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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