He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
