There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So vagazzling was a success
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
