I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
