i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He shit in the fireplace
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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