Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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