He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
