it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
