Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize