Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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