): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
