It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my phone needs a breathalizer
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
