Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
