I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
